You know, marriage (and particularly a great marriage) takes a lot of effort on the part of both spouses. 

Your momma probably told you that before you got married.  Your married friends probably told you that.  Dr. Phil and Oprah certainly told you that.

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While I certainly agree with the sentiment that you have to put in the effort to learn your husband, their likes and dislikes, their moods, their fears, their quirks, their etc, etc, etc.; it doesn’t mean that building a happy and loving marriage should equate to putting in a full day’s work in the salt mines.

Marriage and finding new ways to show your husband love should be fun.  It should be the best time of your life with the one you love.  Effort – yes, hard-toiling work – no.

Remember that marriage was designed by God and is His gift to us.  Given this, I really don’t think God intended for marriage to be a burdensome draining thing.

So, what are some ways you can make sure you are having fun in your marriage and show your husband how much you love and appreciate him?   

In this post, we are going to get you started with a few of those fun and easy ideas to show your love for your guy every day.

Grab a cup of coffee and some king cake (yes I’m writing this during Mardi Gras time and the cream cheese king cakes are simply amazing) and let’s learn how to show love in fun, romantic, and attention-grabbing ways.

 

Fun Ways to Show Your Husband Love 

Ok, so there are probably a million funny and romantic ways that you can express love to your husband other than saying the actual words “I Love You.” Don’t get me wrong, saying “I Love You” isn’t a bad thing.  You and your hubs should be saying it often.  It’s just that in this post we are looking for the fun, non-verbal ways to say “I Love You.”

So, what are some fun ways you can express love to your fella and maybe put some of that passion back into your relationship?  

 

Feed Him

News flash – guys are pretty simple.  They like to eat.  Remember the saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” Ladies have been using this technique for years.  It worked way back then and it’ll work now.

Show your love for your guy by setting up an awesome supper for two.  Prepare his favorite meal.  Break out the real plates vs the usual paper plates.  Eat at the table so you can listen to him about this day rather than in front of the TV.  Make him the center of attention.

 

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Don’t Stop Flirting with Him

When you first met your husband-to-be and you wanted to get his attention, what did you do?  You flirted with him.  Before you were married and your relationship was all new and exciting, what did you do?  You flirted with him.

Again, guys aren’t overly complex creatures.  He liked it when you flirted with him then and he still likes it when you flirt with him now.  He really hasn’t changed.  The guy that fell in love with the playful smiles and the touch on the shoulder is the same guy you married.  He still likes when you flirt with him.

Make your flirting part of a game of seduction.  Send him fun and sexy texts during the workday.  Let him know that you are thinking about him.  Put a note in his wallet letting him know that you will be looking forward to seeing him that afternoon.

I don’t have to tell you how to flirt with him.  Just make it fun and exciting for both of you. 

 

Leave Him a Love Note 

Similar to flirting, love letters and little notes can be so much fun.  You can leave notes all over the house for him to find.  Leave him notes on the bathroom mirror.  Put notes in his computer bag.  The possibilities are endless.  You want to show him that he is always on your mind. 

Something that works well for Steve and me is just simple index cards, but you could also try these cool I love you sticky notes.  They are a great way to write a note and stick in his computer bag, on the bathroom mirror, etc.  Here is an example of one of my notes to him.  ILMH stands for I Love My Husband.  You could use the index cards to write him a series of sweet and loving I Love My Husband quotes that will really touch his heart. 

 

Love Him with a Weekend Get Away

Life is busy and sometimes we get so caught up in everything we have going on that we neglect to make time for each other.  That’s why we love to just get away.  Sometimes it’s overnight.  Sometimes it’s a day trip somewhere fun and different.  Just make plans for the two of you to get out of town.     

Think (or subtly ask him) of someplace that he has been wanting to go for a quick retreat.  You can surprise him with a trip or you can plan it together.

It doesn’t have to a super expensive and involved thing.  Just go somewhere to see and explore things together.  A little adventure for the two of you to spend some time together and connect.  

Looking for more readings on marriage?  Try some of our most popular posts.

Top 7 Qualities of a Good Wife

12 Best Prayers for Married Couples

11 Best Dos to Build an Absolutely Awesome Marriage

Dance Party

When was the last time you and your husband danced together?

We dance together all the time and it is always fun for us.  Put on some music while you are waiting for supper to get ready and you have a dance party for two.  

We have one of those neat assistant things.  You can just walk in the kitchen and say “Play some Barry White.” (or whatever you want to dance to) and we just dance together in the kitchen.  Sometimes it’s Barry White, but sometimes we pick something a little more upbeat and silly.   

In this case, it’s lady’s choice.  Slow dance, fast dance, silly dance, break dance – it doesn’t matter.  Just have fun with your husband.  You will probably look really goofy, but you’re in the privacy of your own home.  Who cares if you look (and feel) silly, just have fun (and get a little cardio in while you are at it 🙂 )

 

Rent Him His Favorite Movie

What was a movie your guy loved as a kid or a movie that you both enjoyed, but haven’t seen in a long time?  Maybe there is one he’s been wanting to see but just hasn’t made the time to see it.  Show him some love by thinking of what he would like to do and plan it all out for him.  

Go find it on Netflix or Amazon Prime, pop some corn (or whatever his favorite snack is), and wrap up on the couch together.  Put your phones away so you won’t be distracted by Instagram and just enjoy being together.   

 

Reminisce Together

Turn off the TV, put your phones away (so you won’t be distracted by that group text message chain that goes on for hours), and just reminisce about when you met, your first date, that goofy thing you said in front of his parents, whatever.

Just spend some time connecting and sharing a few smiles with him.  Ask him about his day or even better ask him what you can do to make him feel more loved.   

 

Final Thoughts on Fun Ways to Show Your Husband Love

The point of all this is to look for ways to show your love for your husband and to connect with him.  Have some fun together and just let him know how much you love him and how much your relationship means to you.

Marriages do require a lot of effort, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be fun, too. 

Remember that if you aren’t growing closer together, you are growing farther apart.  Find ways to break out of the day-to-day routine and spice things up a bit.  Find ways to be thoughtful and considerate.

Until next time,

Anne and Steve

Are prayers for married couples necessary?  If you want to fulfill God’s purpose in your life and your marriage, then yes marriage prayers are absolutely necessary.

Your prayers for your marriage are going to be the agent that creates stronger unity between you and God and you and your spouse.  

The trick to marriage is understanding what separates the long and successful marriages from those that struggle.  In my experience, there are two traits that the successful, happy marriage have that the marriages that struggle fail to possess.

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One is how the couple strives to use prayer on a daily basis to build a solid marriage foundation.  The other is how the couple handles the difficult times in their marriage.  

Ultimately, a couple’s ability to develop either trait is driven by the prayers they pray over their marriage and the connection they make with God.     

In Matthew 19:4-6, we learn that marriage is a gift from God. 

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, 5 and said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

In order to keep your marriage on the right path, you and your spouse need to be blessing your marriage with prayer and lifting each other and your marriage up to God on a regular basis.

In this post, we are going to discuss 12 prayers for married couples that are going to help you connect with God, each other, and establish a strong marital foundation.  These are the type of prayers that build marriages and help couples stay together.    

Pray God will Help You Grow as Individuals

You and your spouse form two legs on which your marriage stands.  Both legs need to be strong and independent.  Yes, you both are certainly joined as one in marriage but are two independent people.  You are designed to build your marriage with your spouse.  The marriage is not designed to build you.

Learn to be happy and confident within yourself.  Don’t rely on your marriage or your spouse to be the source of happiness for you.  Your marriage should make you happy, but should not be the source of your happiness.  You need to bring that life and enthusiasm to the marriage. 

Marriage Prayer #1 

Father, we pray that you work in our hearts to make us the best individuals that we can be.  Help us to find our sense of happiness and fulfillment so that we can bring that light into our marriage and to our spouse.  We want to come together in our marriage as two happy and healthy people so that we can give each other our best.    

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Pray for God’s Guidance in Your Marriage

Your marriage (in good times and bad) needs direction from God.  You need as a couple to make sure you are on the same page with each other, but more importantly with God’s will for your marriage.  Pray that God’s plan for you and your marriage will be made abundantly clear to you both. 

Psalm 119:105 reads  “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path”  Use the word of God to help you find your marital way.

Marriage Prayer #2

Father, we pray that you will surround us with your guidance so that our marriage brings honor to you.  We pray that you show us your will and that you give us the passion to fulfill your purpose.

Pray a Prayer of Thanksgiving

Your marriage and your spouse are gifts from God.  I firmly believe that all couples are brought together for the reason of fulfilling a divine purpose.  Never cease to live and pray with a spirit of thanksgiving for the blessings you have in both your spouse and your marriage.

Marriage Prayer #3

Father, we pray that you help us to never take our spouse or our marriage for granted.  Help us to realize how blessed we are and to live a life of thanksgiving.    

Pray a Prayer of Appreciation for Each Other

People like to be appreciated.  Your spouse is no different.  No one likes to have their efforts for the other go unappreciated or not acknowledged.

Your ability to show appreciation for each other is a key indicator of how successful your marriage is.  Don’t take anything your spouse does for granted.  Saying “Thank You” is very easy and can have a huge impact on your marriage.  Let your spouse know often how much you appreciate them.  

Anne does a great job of this.  She never fails to tell me how much she appreciates me or the things that I do for her.  Her desire to let me know that she sees what I do for her and who I am as her husband has an incredible impact on our marriage.   

Marriage Prayer #4

Father, we pray that you show us how to be appreciative of the efforts of each other.  Let us not end the day without telling each other how much we appreciate what they do and who they are to us.   Whether their efforts are within the home, at their office, with the kids, or with each other; let us show gratitude to each other.

A valuable part of your spiritual growth together is a good devotional book.  Never Alone – Devotions for Couples by David and Teresa Ferguson is a great resource. 

Pray God will Give You and Your Spouse Love for Each Other

Love is a choice.  Choose to love your spouse today.  Whether in words or actions, let them feel your love for them.  Let them never question or doubt your commitment and passion for them.

I understand that it is not always easy.  During arguments, you may not like your spouse very much, but you need to always love them.  It’s important that they feel loved during both the good times as well as the tough.  You do this by choosing your words carefully.  You can argue and disagree, but do it respectfully.

Marriage Prayer #5

Father, we humbly pray that you give us love for each other and our marriage.  You have placed us in each other’s lives to grow, love, and to fulfill your purpose.  Help us to see that our successful marriage and our obedience to you depends on our ability to love and show that love.

Pray God will Give You and Your Spouse Kinds Words for Each Other

In your marriage, your words should only be used to encourage, support, and love each other.  Harsh or biting words can have a devastating impact on your spouse and your marriage.  Criticism and undo judgment will only work to drive your spouse away. 

As mentioned above, showing love during an argument can be tough, but you have to be careful with your words.  You have the ability to hold your spouse’s heart in your hands.  Be gentle with your words and actions.      

Marriage Prayer #6

Father, we pray that you give us the words to speak to each other.  Use every word from our mouths to speak love and encouragement to the other.  We understand that harsh words are the tools of the enemy of our love and marriage.  Give us the awareness in every situation to only speak that which builds each other up.  

Pray God will Give You and Your Spouse Compassion for Each Other

There have been times in our marriage when Anne has had to show me compassion.  I’ve had difficult times and Anne has always been there for me.  Likewise, there have been times when she needed compassion from me.

In your marriage, you and your spouse will each have opportunities to show compassion for each other.  Be willing and quick to take their hand and love them through difficult times.  It may be the loss of a parent or tough times at work, but there will be times when they need your love, support, and compassion.   

Marriage Prayer #7

Father, just as you show us compassion, we ask that you give us the ability to recognize when each other is in a time of need.  We recognize that we are joined as one and we are called to love and support each other in our respective time of need.  Give us the words to say and the needed actions to support each other properly.    

Pray God will Give You Strength to Fight the Enemies of Your Marriage

Your marriage has many enemies and is under attack.  There are those who don’t wish your marriage to succeed.  Whether out of jealousy or their own evil intentions, they are pulling against you.    

It’s key for your marriage that you and your spouse have the ability to recognize when those enemies are at your door.  That you have a strong marriage foundation and relationship with each other so that you can fight off the enemies.         

Author Tim Challies has a great article on the six enemies of your marriage.  I highly suggest checking it out here.

Marriage Prayer #8

Father, we pray that you arm us to protect our marriage from the enemy that would see it destroyed.  Our marriage is designed to bring honor to you.  We pray that you give us the wisdom to see those enemies around us and rely on your divine power to protect our marriage from all attacks.  

Pray God will Place a Burden to Serve Each Other

Jesus was the perfect example of servant leadership.  In Mark 10:44-45, Jesus said

44 “…and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else.  45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Look for ways that you can serve your spouse rather looking for ways that they can serve you.  By serving your spouse you honor them, you honor your marriage, and most importantly you honor God.

What are some ways that you can serve your spouse?  I’d suggest putting together a list of things they do that you can do for them.  Whether it is packing their lunch or putting gas in their car, there are likely many ways you can serve them.

Marriage Prayer #9

Father, place a burden in our hearts that we should serve each other with pure hearts.  Let us not serve with the intention of receiving anything in return, but out of respect for each other and to answer your call.      

Pray God will Give Each of You a Humble Heart

James 4:6 tells us “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Being prideful has no place in your marriage.  Pride is in direct conflict with God’s will for your marriage.

A spouse with a prideful heart is focused more on winning an argument rather than seeking resolution.  Pride doesn’t allow a person to see their own error.  It doesn’t allow a person to open up their eyes to see the perspective of their spouse.  In the end, the prideful may win the argument, but at what cost to the relationship.       

Marriage Prayer #10

Father, we pray that you remove our prideful ways and give us a humble heart.  A humbleness that seeks only the betterment of marriage rather than pride that is self-serving.    

Pray that Honesty will Overflow in Your Marriage

Trust is important in marriage.  I guess that’s pretty obvious.

We all know that we aren’t supposed to tell a lie.  We learned that at a very early age when we were told the story of George Washington refusing to lie about chopping down the cherry tree.

What couples often miss is that honesty isn’t just about what is said – the little white lie, etc.  It’s also about your actions as well.  Being secretive and trying to hide things from your spouse is dishonest and undermines their trust in you.

Whether it is a secret bank account, secretly texting a member of the opposite sex, hiding purchases from your spouse or any other type of behavior is being dishonest with your spouse.  Dishonesty in either words or in actions can’t be a part of a happy and successful marriage.        

Marriage Prayer #11

Father, we pray that honesty will reign in our marriage.  We pray that our words and our actions align and that they always bring honor to you and our marriage.  We understand that a deceitful nature is an enemy of our marriage and will only work to destroy what you have created.     

Pray God will Give You a Forgiving Heart

The ability of spouses to forgive each other is one of the most important marriage skills that can be possessed.

In our recent post How to Practice Forgiveness in Your Marriage, we discuss the importance of learning how to practice forgiveness in your marriage.  Holding on to bitter feelings towards the other spouse is a poison that will slowly overtake your marriage.  

 Marriage Prayer #12

Father, we pray that you give us a forgiving heart for each other.  You have given us the perfect example of love and forgiveness.    We pray that you give us the ability to forgive and not hold onto ill feelings towards our spouse.  Neither of us is perfect and at different times we will need to forgive just as we will need to be forgiven.           

Final Thoughts on Prayers for Married Couples

The success of your marriage depends on not just how you handle the difficult times and the arguments (because they will come), but how well you create a strong foundation in your marriage.  A strong marital foundation comes from a husband and wife spending time with each other and praying over their marriage before God.

These items listed above should be part of our daily conversation with God.

Your marriage will succeed or fail depending, in large part, on how we communicate with God and each other during the good times as well as the bad.    

Until next time,

Anne and Steve

Fun Fact:  Valentine’s Day will be on February 14th this year.  Same as last year and same as next year.  And, same as last year and same as next year, many professed happy couples will wake up on the 14th with much dread. 

A recent survey showed that 74% of couples either dread or are indifferent towards Valentine’s Day.   

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Why Do Couples Have Mixed Feelings About Valentine’s Day? 

Why would so many couples approach Valentine’s Day with dread or indifference?  After all, this is a day supposedly focused on expressing how they feel about their significant other.   

Surveys show that women feel this way because they worry their spouse will either:

• not like their gift,
• give them a gift they don’t like,
• not try to make the day special,
• or just go through the motions out of obligation.

Guys, on the other hand, generally have a negative or indifferent feeling towards Valentine’s Day because they feel pressured into being Mr. Romantic.  Some feel they are supposed to create a fairy tale type story and have no earthly idea how to do that. 

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My Own Valentine’s Day Dread

There was a time when I dreaded Valentine’s Day. 

I saw it as an overly commercialized day designed to sell cards, candy, and flowers.  Valentine’s Day was just a day to stress people out and pressure them to become some sort of romantic superhero for one day out of the year. 

But, as we all must do, I learned.  

I was wrong about Valentine’s Day and my approach.  I was focused on how I felt about the day and not what it meant to my wife and our relationship.  I missed the point of what Valentine’s Day had to offer us.

I developed an appreciation for what Valentine’s Day is really about and how it can strengthen our marriage. 

3 Hacks for an Awesome Valentine’s Day

#1:  Connecting

When I was younger, I loved to play video games.  One of the great things about playing those games was that if you weren’t doing as well as you’d like, you could just hit the reset button.  

The reset button would bring you back to an initial starting point.  It would allow you to regroup and refocus if you felt like you were getting off track.  

Valentine’s Day is kinda the same concept for your relationship.  It is an opportunity to hit the reset button (or in the case of your relationship) – hit the reconnect button.         

As we’ve discussed before in Build a Happy Marriage:  Learn How Now, it’s very easy to get stuck in routines in our relationships.  We struggle with all the demands of family, kids, work, etc., and our marriages take a back seat.   We lose that connection with each other. 

Valentine’s Day is a time to hit the reconnect button and focus on the importance of your relationship and connect with your spouse.  It is a time to remind each other that your marriage is the most important part of your lives.

Yes, I know that you could do that very same thing on any given day of the year (and you should), but what I learned is that Valentine’s Day is a pre-set day to reconnect with each other.  A relationship alarm clock, if you will.          

Take Action

So, how do you make that connection with your spouse on Valentine’s Day?  There are lots and lots of ways, but the most important should go without saying – Time. 

Check out our recent post 5 Best Ways to Create an Emotional Connection.

You need to establish some time for you and your spouse to connect.  It may be over dinner that night, a picnic, a quiet meal at home, etc.  It doesn’t matter how as long as it is something that is meaningful to you both. 

Once you establish when and where you and your spouse will spend some Valentine’s Day Quality Time, you need to think about what actionable steps you can take to connect with your spouse.

Dr. Jamie Long identified 12 great ways to connect with your spouse.  Her post has great information on how to connect with your spouse. 

Below are nine of the steps from Dr. Long.  Please read her full post here. 

1. Daily Touch: Don’t let the sunset on the day before you at least touch your spouse. Whether it be a kiss, a high-five, holding hands, a hug, or a back scratch — humans need physical contact, it’s one of our most basic needs! No matter the type of touch, make it last for 30 seconds. Any kiss over five seconds has wonderful possibilities.

2. Be Curious: Ditch the obligatory “How was your day?” and replace it with unique, thought-provoking, open-ended questions. Demonstrating genuine interest in your partner and opening dialogue shows that you C.A.R.E. and enhances one of the joys of marriage — the sharing of lives.

3. Relive a Memory: When two people feel disconnected, it’s important to remember what brought them together in the first place. Every now and again, share a memory from the courtship or an especially loving time. Relive a funny story, a touching moment, or look through some old photos.

4. Create New Memories: Boredom and predictable routine can suck the life out of any relationship. Lack of intensity can sometimes be confused as a lack of intimacy. It’s important to try new adventures and create new rituals of affection. Not all new memories need to be elaborate. For instance, just before going to bed, step outside to gaze upon the stars together or discuss your ideas for a future date night.

Related Post:  8 Inexpensive Date Ideas To Build Your Relationship

5. Listen to him or her: You may know your spouse better than anyone, but making assumptions regarding what the other person intends to communicate is a potentially damaging mistake. Instead of assuming what your spouse means, try asking more questions or simply reflecting back what you heard. For example: “I think you are saying…, Did you mean…? etc.”

6. Share a laugh: When things get tense, remember the humor in it all. Humor can reduce tension and lighten the mood. Think about what makes you and your spouse laugh and share it. Likewise, don’t forget to laugh at his or her jokes, it’s polite! According to research by Dr. John Gottman, sharing humor with your partner is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship.

7. Expressions of loving-kindness: People in successful relationships treat others with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words, and kind actions. Think of the smile on your spouse’s face when you post a loving sticky-note onto the car’s dashboard or write a message via the steam on the bathroom mirror. L-O-V-E.

8. Flirt: If you want to emotionally and physically connect with your spouse, it’s more likely to happen with some effort and dialogue. In other words, wear something special that you would on your honeymoon or behave like you’re going on the first date. Couples who make an effort to mate, copulate! Also, couples who talk about sex have better sex and more of it! Don’t know what to talk about? Try downloading a relationship app (here) to your phone or computer that’s intended to deepen your understanding of your partner and create more intimacy.

9. Turn off the electronics: We live in a world of electronic overload: DVR, laptops, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, plus a plethora of i-Gadgets. Switch your whatchamacallit to the off position then do #8.

Use the tips found above an in Dr. Long’s full post to help create a special Valentine’s Day!

#2:  Communicating

What often stresses people (fellas I’m really looking at you here) out about Valentine’s Day is that they know they’re supposed to be romantic and all, but really have no idea what that means or how to do it.  They get frustrated when the candy, gift, etc., they got for their spouse just didn’t have the impact they had hoped.

What went wrong?

At the last minute, they got a gift or did something they “thought” “should” make their spouse feel loved and happy. 

In reality, they should “know” what “will” make their spouse happy.      

In order to do that, you have to understand what you do and can do that makes our spouse feel loved.  What are their Love Languages?  What actions can we take to make them feel more secure in our relationship?

Note:  If you are not familiar with The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.  I strongly encourage you to read it.  It had a great impact on our marriage and can yours as well. 

You can purchase a copy here.

The answer to that comes from a concerted and consistent desire to know your spouse.  It doesn’t happen on the night of February 13th in front of the card section of the local drug store.

We have to communicate with our spouse (verbally and non-verbally) to fully understand how they interpret love and what is important to them.  

Remember, your spouse is the most important person in your life.  Only through knowing them can you expect to make Valentine’s Day special.

Communicate Expectations

In addition to communicating with your spouse to better understand how they interpret love, you also must communicate Valentine’s Day expectations with each other.  

As mentioned above, women often dread Valentine’s Day for different reasons than men. 

How do we resolve this?

Take Action

Again, proper communication is your friend here.  You need to communicate as a couple the expectations for Valentine’s Day.  A couple of things you can do to take the stress out of Valentine’s Day:

• Discuss a gift price limit – Anne and I give cards every year with handwritten notes.  The words written on the cards mean a great deal to us and gives us individually a chance to express how we feel.  In addition, we’ve established the parameters of the gift giving.  We take the pressure of gift-giving off so we can focus on what is more important to us.  You and your spouse may approach gift giving a little different, but make sure you both agree on the gift-giving parameters.            
• Plan together – planning a romantic Valentine’s Day can be very stressful.  This is particularly the case if you have not been together all that long.  You may still be learning their Love Languages and their likes and dislikes.  Working together on a plan can eliminate a lot of stress for you both and help make the day special. 

#3:  Celebrating

The most important thing I learned about Valentine’s Day is that it should be a day to celebrate your relationship.  It should not be full of stress, dread, or indifference.     

This is your time to show your spouse how much you love them and how much your relationship means to you.

Don’t stress about Valentine’s Day.  Embrace it.  Welcome it.  

Take Action

If in the past you and your spouse have taken a ho-hum attitude toward Valentine’s Day, then I challenge you to rethink your approach.

Sit down with your spouse and let them know that you want this year to be a day to reconnect and celebrate your relationship. 

Yes, they may look at you a bit funny, but inside they will appreciate your effort and commitment to the relationship.

Final Thoughts a Making a Great Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity for your relationship.  It is the time to refocus on your relationship.  It is a time to put into action the things that you know will make your spouse feel loved and appreciated.

If you want to have a happy and successful marriage, then you have to understand that it takes effort from you both.  

You can’t say “I do” then kick back and enjoy a carefree ride to a blissful, wonderful life together.  From my experience, it just doesn’t work that way.  

[clickToTweet tweet=”Fact is, a great marriage takes a strong desire from both parties to make the marriage great.” quote=”Fact is, a great marriage takes a strong desire from both parties to make the marriage great.” theme=”style4″]

You must learn to better understand your spouse and their needs in your relationship.  You must learn to embrace opportunities to show your love and commitment to them and your life together.  Valentine’s Day is just such an opportunity.

These are the three steps that can make Valentine’s Day really awesome.  Remember that it’s a time to connect, communicate and celebrate with your spouse.

If you found this post helpful, please share on your favorite social media platforms.  Thank you!!!

[social_warfare]  

Until next time, God bless

Steve

LifeLoveandBlog has compiled a list of 10 thoughtful, romantic, funny, useful, and sentimental gifts to give her this Valentine’s Day.  Show her how much you mean to her by giving her a special gift this Valentine’s Day that she will remember for many years.

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Does coming up with just the right Valentine’s Day gift idea for your husband or boyfriend really stress you out?

Well, there is no need for that! 

Valentine’s Day is about expressing your love for your guy.  It’s about creating a memory and connecting with him.

Don’t let the pressure of finding just the right gift take away from what Valentine’s Day is all about.

There are tons of really cool and unique gift ideas out there.  Gifts that will make him go, “Hey cool!  I love it!”  That’s what you are aiming for, right?

In this post, we are going to show you 10 really cool and unique gift ideas for him.

Keep reading and let us help you avoid the stress of finding just the right gift.

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Him

Sentai Wooden Watch – $30.99

I have this watch myself and I love it!  It’s just really cool and different.  I get compliments on it all the time.  People are always asking, “Is your watch made of wood?”  If you want to get your guy something cool and different, then this is a great option.

Bose QuietComfort 25 Noise Cancelling Headphones – $179.00

Does your guy travel lot?  Anyone who has spent much time on a plane or in airports knows that a good pair of noise canceling headphones is a must.  It’s just about impossible to relax on a plane unless you can plug in your headphones and listen to some music.  

GoPro Hero5 – $215.00

Yes, GoPros are really cool!

Is your guy an outdoorsy, adventurous kinda guy?  If so, he’ll love a GoPro Hero5 digital camera to document his adventures in stunning 4K.  This model is waterproof and durable enough for him to take along on his rock climbing, kayaking, or mountain bike riding.   

Fishing Tackle Cross Body Backpack – $33.98

This great fishing backpack from Piscifun would be awesome for your guy when he is out fishing on the lake! 

This awesome pack has two belts to hold his fishing rods in addition to the numerous compartments for lures, keys, phone, wallet, fishing line and more.

Any guy who loves to fish (or just the outdoors) would love this pack.

6-in-1 Cell Phone Camera Kit – $29.99

Does your guy like to take pictures with his cell phone?  This really cool 6-in-1 cell phone camera kit includes multiple lenses, a tripod stand, and a Bluetooth remote.  He is going to have a blast turning his cell phone it a picture taking machine!       

Garmin Heart Rate Monitor – $21.99

Worn around the chest, the heart rate monitor by Garmin transmits your guy’s heart rate to his cell phone or other devices while he runs, bikes, or climbs.  This allows him to track his performance while getting his exercise.     

The One Year Uncommon Life Daily Challenge by Tony Dungy – $13.59

Former NFL Superbowl winning head coach Tony Dungy’s book – The One Year Uncommon Life Daily Challenge is written to strengthen your guy’s spiritual growth through 365 daily reflections.  Reflections that focus on being a man of integrity and honoring your family are just a couple of examples of the daily inspiration your guy will find in this book from Coach Dungy.

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit – $55.00

Few things feel as good as a nice clean shave.  Your husband or boyfriend is going to love how he looks and feels after using this wet shave kit by Gentleman Jon.

DG Hill 3 Pack Flannel Pajama Pants – $39.99

Flannel pajama pants are one of my favorite things in the world.  I love to come home from a day at work and immediately put on my pajama pants.  They are great for lounging around the house when it is cold outside.

Your guy is going to love this pack of flannel plaid PJs!  They have the microfleece pockets which are a must.

Wallet Ninja 18-in-1 Credit Card Sized Multitool – $12.95

Are you kidding me?!?  How cool is this thing?  It is the size of a credit card but has 18 different tools in one little package. 

Your guy will use this all the time when he is working on his car, fishing, camping, boating, or whatever.

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Him

So there you have it.  10 really awesome Valentine’s Day gift ideas for your husband or boyfriend.  Guys like cool and useful stuff.  This list has something to fit just about every guy.

Valentine’s Day can be stressful when you are trying to find just the right gift.  We hope the list above helped relieve some of that stress and let you focus on just have a great Valentine’s Day with him.

Steve

Would you agree that all couples could stand to spend some time improving their marriage communication skills?  

Would you also agree that communication is critically important when it comes to improving a marriage?

The problem is that couples often struggle with developing this key skill.  In fact, studies have shown that poor communication is one of the leading causes of marital failure.

Couples are often poor at communicating about money, their needs from the marriage, how they handle conflict within their marriage, what to eat for supper, what to watch on TV, etc., etc., etc.   

Now you may be thinking, “My spouse and I are great communicators.”   

I truly hope that’s the case for every person reading this post.  However, you’re kidding yourself if you think you and your spouse can’t benefit from improved communication skills.  

Hint:  Never be satisfied when you can work with your spouse to improve your marriage.

Learning effective marriage communication (like any other skill) is a skill that you must continue to put into practice if you expect to improve.   

In our recent post 11 Best Don’ts to Avoid and Unhappy Marriage, we discussed that you should never settle for anything less than your best in your marriage.  

You must work hard to make sure you are doing whatever it takes to make your marriage successful.  Continuing to learn and implement effective marriage communication skills is a must “Do” for your relationship. 

You may be thinking that you don’t know how to get your husband to communicate or how to get your wife to communicate.

You might be thinking “how do I communicate better with my spouse.”

Although building a strong and happy marriage can be difficult, this post is going to provide some tips you can use to develop ways to communicate with your spouse and improve your marriage communication skills.

Communication Skills to Improve Your Marriage

1.  Seek First to Understand

Have you read Stephen Covey’s book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People?

In this book, Covey discusses in Habit #5 that you must first seek to understand the person who you are attempting to communicate with – then look to be understood.

Often we are thinking about what we are going to say next while the other person is talking.  We are not looking to understand them, we are looking to create our counterpoint to what they are saying.

When communicating with your spouse, are you looking to understand their point of view or are you formulating your response rather than listening to them?    

For your marriage, it is key that you and your spouse work together to seek to understand each other.

Marriages are best when the couple is focused on meeting the needs of the other over their own. This includes trying to understand the other before they themselves are understood.

2.  Listen Intently

When your spouse is telling you about their day or trying to tell you something important – what do you do?  Do you nod politely and throw in an occasional “yes dear?”

Are you truly listening?

Are you seeking to empathize with them?  

[clickToTweet tweet=”Effectively communicating with your spouse begins with actually listening to your spouse.” quote=”Effectively communicating with your spouse begins with actually listening to your spouse.” theme=”style4″].

The key to intentional listening is that your spouse should always feel that you are listening to them. They need to know that when they are sharing with you, you are focused on what they are feeling and what they have to say.

When your spouse shares with you, do they have your undivided attention?  

Work with your spouse to give each other the attention they need and deserve.  Work together to become a more intentional listener. 

3.  Improve Nonverbal Communication

How good are you at non-verbal communication?  Do you even know what it means with regards to your spouse? What are some forms of nonverbal communication?

Communicating in a nonverbal manner with your spouse is very important to your marriage.

Nonverbal forms of communicating can range from an “I Love You” note left by the coffee pot to a touch on the arm as they walk by to out-of-character silence during dinner.

It’s important that you and your spouse are able to communicate with each other nonverbally.  It’s important that you learn to interpret their nonverbal clues.

In order to do this, you must pay attention to your spouse.  You must understand how they interpret love.  Do they like small thoughtful gifts?  Acts of service?  A smile or touch on the arm?

Learn to interpret your spouse’s nonverbal clues.    

4.  Speak Respectfully

When speaking to your spouse, always let your words be used to lift them up.  

Your words are to never be used to put down or degrade your spouse.  Going down this path in your marriage will destroy your communication efforts.

The tone of your voice and the words you use can either build up or break down your spouse.  The communication skill you need to master is speaking respectfully to your spouse at all times.  

5.  Ask Questions

Do you show interest in your spouse?    

Do you show interest in their day?

An important part of improving communication in your marriage is getting to know your spouse better.  In order to do that, you need to ask them questions.  Find out what is important to them.

Find out how they are doing.

Find out about their struggles and their challenges.  

6.  Schedule Time with Each Other

I know life is busy, but that’s not an excuse for failing to spend time with your spouse.  

This is of particular importance if Quality Time is one of your spouse’s Love Languages.

• Read more about Love Languages in our recent post:  Build a Happy Marriage:  Learn How Now   

Learning to communicate better is a skill that takes some practice.  It takes some effort.  

I order to get better at it, you must make the time to sit down with your spouse and get to know them. 

7.  Be Direct with Each Other

Both you and your spouse have needs from your marriage.  One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the needs for companionship, intimacy, etc.  

A key communication skill for your marriage is learning to be open and honest with your spouse. You need to be able to let your spouse know your needs.  

Remaining silent and hoping they will learn to read your mind will only lead to disappointment.  It’s not fair to put your spouse and your marriage in a position of having to guess what you need from the relationship.

While it’s true that you and your spouse need to be students of each other, you both must know each other well enough that you can discuss your respective needs openly.  That is where being a student of your spouse comes into play.

Final Thoughts on Marriage Communication

Effective communication with your spouse may not come easy and sometimes may not flow naturally.  But, you have to keep working at it.

Those in happy and healthy marriages work diligently at improving their communication skills.  It’s imperative that you and your spouse learn how to effectively communicate with each other.

Until next time,

Steve

Here’s something I can tell you for certain – your husband needs you to pray for him.  

He needs your love.  He needs your respect.  He needs your companionship.  He needs your physical touch.  He needs your words of affirmation.  But, above all things – he needs your prayers. 

He needs you to pray for him in silence.  He needs you to put your hands on him and pray for him.  He needs you speaking his name to God on a daily basis.  He needs you to lift him up in prayer as he strives to be the best husband and father that he can be. 

You might be thinking, “How do I pray for my husband?”     

Well, in this post we are going to help you do just that very thing.  Below are some of the key areas in your husband’s life where he needs your prays the most.  Continue reading to find out our suggestions of 21 ways to pray for your husband.

How to Pray for Your Husband

Seek God’s Will

The first thing you should pray for regarding your husband is that he is seeking God’s calling for his life. 

What is God’s purpose for him?  Pray that he speaks with God daily to find his direction and that he will rely on God’s strength and wisdom to carry out his life’s purpose. 

Patience

Being patient is an important attribute for your husband.  There are many things and situations that are going to get on his last nerve.  Whether it’s his morning commute through traffic into work or it’s trying to fix the dishwasher, many different situations are going to test his patience.  

Being able to remain calm and work through a situation with patience will help him in his everyday life.

Pray that God will grant him the patience to handle all the trying and stressful situations during his day.

Leadership

Being a good leader is an incredibly important trait for your husband to possess.  He is ordained as the leader of your family and it’s not an easy job. 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

Pray that God will give him the wisdom necessary to lead your family through the good times as well as the tough.  Pray that he will have a vision for how God plans to use your marriage and your family.    

Kindness

Pray that your husband will be a man with a kind heart. 

Whether it’s being kind to the waitress at the restaurant, to a stranger on the street, or with you; you should want your husband to have a kind heart.  A heart that loves and cares about others.  One that seeks to make a positive impact on those in his life.     

Humility

A humble man doesn’t seek to gain attention or notoriety.  He is aware of who he is and what he has accomplished, but he doesn’t seek the glory.  He does what he is called to do without doing it for the approval or praise of others.

A humble man is going to look to lift others up and make sure they are recognized rather than being self-serving.

What does the Lord require of you?  To do justice and love mercy and walk humbly.”  – Micah 6:8

Pray that God gives him the power of humility in all situations.

Integrity

Men of integrity do not compromise their values.  They do not do anything that would cause someone to question their actions.  They seek to do what is right and honorable.

Pray that God will make your husband a man of great integrity in his public and private lives.

Proverbs 12:22 “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”

Passion

Men should be passionate about the meaningful things in their life.  Your husband’s pursuit of God’s will, his role as your husband, his role as a father should all be undertaken with great passion.  They should be passionate about their careers and how they provide financially for the family.

Passionate men succeed and accomplish what lies before them.  Pray that God will put passion in your husband’s heart so that he deeply pursues the path before him.  

Servant’s Heart

Christ gave us an example of how to have a servant’s heart.

In Mark 10:45, Jesus tells us, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Just as Jesus gives the example of living with a servant’s heart, your husband should seek to live out a life with the heart of a servant to others in his life. 

Pray that he will seek to serve others rather than seeking to be served.  Whether it’s with you, members of your family, friends, or coworkers, pray that he looks to serve.   

Resist Temptations

The world is full of temptations.  Drugs, alcohol, gambling, infidelity, cutting corners in business are some of the many temptations that your husband may face.  

“Keep watch and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41 

Pray that he has the strength to fight and resist the temptations that may come his way. 

Safety

Pray that God will keep your husband safe from harm with his guiding hands. 

Your husband faces many potential hazards every day.  Whether on his commute to work or when he is working around the house, pray that God watches over him and keeps his hand safely on him.

Health

How well does your husband take care of himself?  Does he understand the importance of getting an annual checkup, keeping a good diet, and getting some exercise? 

Pray that God will give him good health and will put a burden on him to make sure he is taking good care of himself.  

Successful Career

Men put great emphasis on their careers.  It’s important to your husband that they are seen as successful and ambitious to you and their peers.  That’s not a bad thing.  It’s part of how he provides financially for your family.

However, he should not be so focused on his career that he loses sight of what is truly most important.   

Pray that God guides your husband, to not only work hard and to be successful in his chosen profession, but to remember to balance his time between work and family.

Courage

It’s important that your husband be a man of courage.  Whether he needs to stand up for you with this family or make a stand for what he believes, your husband should have the courage to do so.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

Pray that God will give him the courage to stand tall during difficult times and in the face of adversity.

Financially Responsible

It’s important that your husband be responsible with the financial resources that have been provided to you and your family.  

Money problems are one of the leading points of conflict between husbands and wives.  It’s important for your marriage that your husband communicates with you about money and that you two are on the same page regarding financial goals and spending. 

Pray that God will give him the wisdom and self-discipline to be financially responsible. 

Communicate with You

How well does your husband communicate with you?  Does he talk about what is going on in his life?  Is he working to create a stronger emotional connection with you?

It’s important for your marriage that you and your husband are able to communicate with each other in a positive manner.

Whether it’s communication about your respective lives or about the children, pray that God will grant your husband the skills and desire to open up and communicate with you.

Spiritual Growth

In order for your husband to find God’s will for his life, he must be routinely speaking with God so that he can grow spiritually.    

Help him by praying that God will place a burden on him to work to grow spiritually and seek God’s wise counsel.  

Grace and Mercy

Grace is when you give unto others something that they do not deserve.  Mercy is when you withhold punishment from those that are deserving.

We are given an example of this through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross.  We are given eternal life.  We are spared just punishment from our sins.

Pray for your husband to be of a kind spirit and show grace and mercy in his dealings with you, your children, and others within his everyday life.

Good Father

Being a good father is a difficult job.  Pray for your husband so that he will understand that his children need him to be engaged in their lives.  Pray that he is supportive and loves unconditionally.  Pray that he doesn’t allow work demands and stresses to steal his time and energy so that there is nothing left for your children.

Husbands often get so involved in providing that they neglect the people that he is working so hard to provide for.  Pray that he finds a harmonious work / life balance and doesn’t lose sight of what’s important and remember those who need him most.  

Spirit of Thankfulness

Gratitude is one of the traits that your needs in his life.  People who are thankful for what they have have been shown to happier overall with a higher level of life satisfaction.  

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pray that your husband will show a sense of thankfulness for what you do for him and what he has in his life.

Friendships

Who does your husband spend time with?  Friendships are very important, but it is important that he spends time with other men who are lifting him up and encouraging him to be a better husband and father. 

Remember – iron sharpens iron.

Your husband is going to be the average of the people who he surrounds himself with.  Pray that your husband is surrounding himself with those who will build him up and strengthen him.  

Learn from His Mistakes

Your husband, no matter how wonderful he is, is human.  He is going to make mistakes.  Some of his mistakes will be minor stuff.  Some will be big, dumb mistakes.  

It’s important that your husband has the self-awareness to not only see his mistakes, that he is humble enough to admit his mistakes, but that he has the ability to learn from his mistakes.

It’s much easier to forgive something that is a rare occurrence.  It will become increasingly harder to continue to forgive something that keeps happening over and over again. 

Pray that your husband can learn and grow from the inevitable mistakes that will happen in life.

Final Thoughts on How to Pray for Your Husband

Your husband needs your help in so many aspects of life, but he needs your prayers most of all.  

He is trying to be the best father and husband that he can be for you and your children.  He is trying to find God’s purpose for his life, but he needs you praying over him.  He is going to struggle at times and he needs you to learn to pray over him.

Let him know that you are praying for him.  Let him know that you are there to encourage him.  Ask him if he as any specific prayer request.  Is he struggling with anything particular in his life?  Take some time to talk with him about areas where he is struggling.  

Never underestimate the powers of a praying wife.  You have the power to encourage and lift him up so that he becomes the man, husband, and father God designed him to be. 

Until next time,

Steve 

Here’s an important marriage tip for both newlywed guys and guys who have been married for years:

In this post, we are going to cover some of the reasons why you must learn to apologize to your wife and how to apologize.

What does it Mean to Apologize

Websters defines Apologize as:

to express regret for something done or said: to make an apology.

From a practical perspective, to apologize to your wife means that you are willing to admit you are wrong and can humble yourself before her.  Your willingness to admit wrong means you are putting your wife above your self.

Why is it Important to Apologize to Your Wife?

As the ordained leader of your family, you are responsible for setting the tone in your household. 

As the leader, you are called on to demonstrate strong love and humility in your relationship with your wife.

There is no greater way to demonstrate this than to acknowledge when you have offended your wife and that you owe her an apology.

Men and Apologies

I understand that apologizing can be difficult for men.  We as men are as a general rule, not very good at apologizing.  Our pride is a strong influence and can often get in the way of doing what we should.

A recent article found in Psychology Today How to Apologize to a Woman provides great insight into how men and women differ in how each gender views apologies.

According to Sam Marguiles,  women tend to view an apology as a means of mending the relationship.

Men often see an apology as a sign of weakness.  We fear that admitting we are wrong and that we made a mistake means that we are less competent and less intelligent. 

That admission is a bit difficult for most men. 

 

Hey!  Pin the image below for later.   

Apologies Show Leadership

Continuing to offend your wife without an apology to your wife and expression of remorse will over time erode your leadership as well as hurt your marriage.  You risk losing the trust and respect of your wife.

Don’t let pride or fear of being less competent stop you from being the leader of your family you were called to be.

Learn that being self-reflective enough and man enough to admit when you are wrong is one of the best was you can exhibit your leadership role and demonstrate your love for your wife. 

How do You Make a Sincere Apology to Your Wife

So, what is the best way to apologize to your wife?  

How do you show your wife that you are sorry?

There are numerous ways that you can say you’re really very sorry to your wife.

However, the most meaningful and powerful way that you can say you’re sorry to your spouse is by doing so in a way that is meaningful to her.

An apology letter to your wife, a heartfelt gift, or simple and meaningful acknowledgment to her that you are aware that you have offended her may be best.

Regardless how you apologize to her, you must show true regret in a heartfelt manner that says you recognize what you did or said was hurtful and do not intend to make that same mistake again.

1.  Listen to your Wife

Listen to your wife to better understand her needs and her feelings.  The only way you are going to be able to give her a heartfelt apology is by understanding her point of view.  

2.  Avoid using the word “but” in your apology to your wife

When you try to apologize and use the word “but,” it can come across as you are trying to justify why you did what you did. 

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you, but you just kept pushing my buttons.”

Don’t try to qualify your apology. 

If you feel there’s something your wife is doing that’s causing an issue in your marriage, then you need to bring that to her attention. 

Communicate with her about the issue, but don’t make it a qualifier to your apology.  

3.  Follow the S.H.A.R.E Method to Apologize to Your Wife

In a recent post by allprodad.com, they identified five key points when it comes to apologizing to your wife.

These key points include the S.H.A.R.E. approach to apologizing to your wife:

• Sincerity
• Humility
• Ask for Forgiveness
• Regret
• Empathy 

Telling your wife you are sorry in the right way has immense power.  It can make the worst of fights evaporate into thin air.  I would like to S.H.A.R.E. the components of how to apologize to your wife.

Sincerity

Failing to offer your wife an apology is a failure in leadership and failure has her husband. 

Offering an insincere apology is probably worse than no apology at all. 

If you are insincere your wife will certainly see it.  She will likely interpret (and rightly so) by your insincere apology one of two things:

1.) as an admission that you are aware that you are wrong and owe her an apology, but do not care enough to offer her the apology that she deserves, or

2.) you refuse to acknowledge that you have offended her and are only issuing the insincere apology to get her to leave you alone and move on from the discussion.

Regardless, an insincere apology will only do harm to your marriage and your wife’s trust in you.

Humility

Not only is learning to humble yourself an important skill that men must possess, but it is also an importing aspect of your spiritual growth. 

In Proverbs 11:2

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom

By admitting your mistake(s) to your wife asking for her forgiveness, you are humbling yourself before her.

Ask for Forgiveness

“I’m sorry for saying XYZ.  I understand how that made you feel.  Can you forgive me?”

Asking for forgiveness from your wife is one of the powerful ways you can show the value you have for her. 

It shows that you are willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position in order to make your relationship whole again.

Regret

When it comes to regret, there are two choices…

• Do you regret your actions or words that offended your wife, or
• Do you regret that your offending action came to light?  

The first option accompanied by a spirit of healing the relationship can provide greater growth in your marriage.

The second option will slowly work to tear down your relationship, cause your wife to lose trust in you, and result in a failure on your part to lead your family.

Empathy

Empathy, as we have discussed before, is key to being able to connect with your wife.

This is particularly true when she is upset by your words or actions.

In order to be empathetic to her, you need to

• Listen and fully understand her point of view
• Set your own perspective aside for a moment
• Understand what action you can take to correct the situation

Being empathetic does not always come naturally to men.  It requires practice and commitment. 

Dr. Elliot Cohen provides a great deep dive into developing the virtue of empathy in his post How to be Empathetic. 

4.  Have Patience with Your Wife

In a recent post from buildyourmarriage.com, you have to understand that just because you have apologized (and maybe multiple times) that all is forgiven.

Depending on the offending actions or words, it may take her a little while to forgive you.

Be patient with her and understand her ability to forgive may.  Getting frustrated that she can’t forgive you immediately will work against you and your relationship.

As mentioned above, learn to be empathetic to her feelings.  Let her know that you are sorry.

If they won’t listen, then perhaps write it down in a note and give it to them to read when they are ready. Even so, be prepared to verbalize what you have written. Some deep pain will probably need ongoing conversation and perhaps even counseling. Your humility in your apology must also include ongoing humility in rebuilding trust, willing conversation, and doing whatever it takes to Build Your Marriage.

Additional Marriage Resources

Check out some of our additional readings on marriage advice

I’m always looking for other great marriage and relationship sites to read.  Here are a couple sites I’ve been reading lately.  Check them out:

• Simplyclarke.com
• Thethinplace.net

 

Final Thoughts

If you are going to lead your family and work with your wife to have a happy and loving marriage, then you must learn how to humble yourself and admit when you are wrong.

It’s not going to always be easy, but it’s always going to be important for your marriage.

Do yourself a favor and work hard to put aside your reservations to admitting that you are wrong and embrace that important aspect of your role as the leader of your family and as your wife’s husband.

Until next time,

Steve 

 

 

 

 

I got to thinking the other day about two very meaningful words – grace and mercy.

Why?

Because grace and mercy are very important aspects of the two most important relationships in our lives.  One is our relationship with God and the other is our relationship with our spouse.

We have all been the recipient of the two.  There have been times in all of our lives when we received a blessing that we did not deserve and times when we were spared a punishment that we did deserve. 

Obviously, we are always grateful for the kind hand of those on the administering end of such.

But, how do we fair when it’s our turn to show benevolence?  Do we offer up the same loving gentle hand?

I’m sure we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt that we would be the merciful one.

At least I do for myself anyway.

But, before we can really answer that question, we need to take a closer look at what it means to show grace and mercy.

Keep reading to dig a little deeper …

What is the Difference Between Grace and Mercy?

So, what is the difference between grace and mercy?  I think these are two terms that people often get confused.  So let’s make sure we understand the difference.  

What is Grace

Simply put – grace is when we receive something that we did not deserve.  This may be being granted forgiveness when we wronged someone.  We are given forgiveness, but we did not deserve it.

The Bible tells us in Ephesians 2:8-9 that:

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

We are undeserving of the salvation through faith.  We can not earn salvation through works.  It only comes as a gift from God.

What is Mercy?

When we say that someone has been shown mercy, it means that they have not received something that they deserved.  They may have been spared a just deserved punishment.

The Bible tells us in Psalm 51:1-2:

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgression.  2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

King David knew that he needed God’s mercy.  In his prayer, King David asked that God, “Have mercy on me …” spare him from the consequences of his sin.

We are the same as David.  We do not deserve it, but we have been shown mercy from our sins through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

Grace and Mercy in Marriage

The ability of each spouse to show the other spouse grace and mercy is key to the long-term success of the marriage.

Grace in Marriage

Grace is often described as an outward expression of love from one to another.  God expressed his love through his favor of us and the gift of salvation.  This is nothing we earned but was given. 

What does grace look like in marriage?  

I suppose this could be a very lengthy list, but I generally think of grace in marriage as:

• Granting them the benefit of the doubt in a tough situation
• Showing patience when they are getting on your last nerve
• Loving them for who they are vs who think they could be 
• Being sympathetic when they are in hurting
• Supporting them when they are struggling

Work to be more gracious with your spouse.  Don’t wait for them to do so.  Grace should be given freely. 

If you want your marriage to reach its full potential, show grace freely in your marriage.        

Looking for AdDitional Marriage resources?

5 Best Ways to Create an Emotional Connection

​Our Top 7 Qualities of a Good Wife

How to Practice Forgiveness in Your Marriage

Mercy in Marriage

Often people like to have the upper hand in a relationship.  They feel that if the other (including spouses at times) is indebted or at their mercy, they can manipulate the situation to get something they want.

This type of thinking has no place in marriage.

If your spouse makes a mistake and you are using the situation to gain control in the marriage or over them, then you are working to undermine your spouse and your marriage.  Manipulation has no place in a healthy, loving marriage.

“I’m sorry” is a very powerful phrase in marriage, but “I forgive you” is even more powerful.  It shows that you are granting mercy of your spouse.  both phrases that should be freely given in marriage.

The strongest of marriages are those that understand this and use these phrases freely.

Final Thoughts on Grace and Mercy

Scripture gives us the blueprint on how to exhibit grace and mercy.  In your marriage, you have the power to bestow grace and show mercy to your spouse.  It is up to you if you exercise this power or not.      

There are going to be times when you are in the need of grace or mercy from your spouse.  There are going to be times when you are going to have to show grace or mercy to them.

It’s just how marriages work.  You and your spouse are going to have to understand that true love looks to forgive, it looks to whip the slate clean and start anew. 

In your marriage, let the example of a gracious and merciful God be your example of how to love your spouse more deeply.  Your spouse will return your efforts and your marriage will grow stronger than you could ever have imagined.

Until next time,

Steve 

Now that you’ve said, “I do,” you’re probably interested in learning how you can be the best wife possible to the man God has placed in your life.  You’re looking for some advice because being a good and Godly wife isn’t as easy as it seems.

Maybe you’re a newlywed or maybe you’ve been married for several years.  Whatever the case, you’re interested in how you can improve yourself and strengthen your marriage.

You may be wondering what does my husband need from me and how can I provide those things to him?

Men, like women, want to know that their spouse supports them, respects them, and is genuinely interested in their daily life happenings.  Just to name a few.

We are going to focus on seven topics that will cover some great qualities of a loving supportive wife.  This is not a complete list, but it’s a good start and can have the biggest impact on your marriage.  

We recently wrote a post regarding husband qualities.  You can read that here.

Respect Your Husband

I placed this topic first because in my opinion, if you do not respect your husband then all of the other topics we cover will be a moot point.  What do we mean by RESPECT? 

Praise and compliment your husband in front of family and friends!  Nothing infuriates me more than to be in the same room with a wife that constantly insults her husband (either in front of him or behind his back).  This is incredibly disrespectful and it actually makes the wife look bad and not the husband!

Tell your husband you respect him through words and texts.  He needs to hear your affirming words.

Emerson Eggerichs, the author of Love and Respect, writes, “Women need love.  Men need respect.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”  

Granted, both women AND men require respect and love from the other.   However, many surveys have concluded that men would rather feel unloved than disrespected and inadequate.  Think about that.

 

Give Him the Benefit of a Doubt (Trust)

This is a big one, too.  Give him the benefit of a doubt.  Husbands want to be trusted!  I’ll be the first to admit that my mind can get carried away….far far away.

But if you STOP, and think about the situation logically, you will most likely come back to reality and realize you’ve been overreacting with your thoughts.

Acting as though you don’t trust your husband is tiring, gets old, and quite frankly, leaves you coming across as insecure and negative.  Not a good quality, ladies.

 

Don’t be a Hypocrite

Don’t set high expectations for him and not yourself.  Don’t get caught up in “what can my husband do for me that will make me look good to others.”  That’s just plain selfish.

Don’t expect him to make your coffee in the mornings, and then not do anything for him. 

Don’t expect him to better himself physically, financially, etc., and then you don’t do the same.

In short, be what you expect your husband to be.  That’s not too much to ask is it?

 

Accept Him As-Is

If you married a man with a notion that you were going to change him, that’s a huge mistake that you’ll carry on your shoulders for the duration of the marriage.

Accept him as-is just like you would want him to accept you as-is.  His style is unique.  His thought processes are unique.  His habits are unique.  If you knew these things about him pre-marriage, and you weren’t a fan of any of them, then that’s on you if you choose to marry him. 

Granted, some things can be discussed and worked out!  Nobody wants to see dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor.  But what I’m referring to goes much deeper than this.

Andrea Miller, author of Radical Acceptance:  The Secret of Happy, Lasting Love, writes “individuals who learn to radically accept their spouse and grow together, despite it all, end up having longer and happier marriages.”

Ilovemyhusband.org also writes, “He knows his weaknesses.  But he needs you to admire his strengths, not draw attention to his weaknesses.  Your husband needs your admiration like you to need his love.”

 

Nagging will get you NOTHING

Nagging is nothing more than trying to control him.  Over time, this will create a deaf ear and loss of interest.  Instead, communicate clearly and calmly if there are some items you’d like his assistance with.  Sometimes, people just need a reminder especially if they are working full time, taking kids back and forth to sports, gym class, or have a second job.

 

Give him Compliments

Men love compliments, too!  Say things like:  You look nice.  You did a great job.  I love your smile.  You do your job very well.  The yard looks great.  You’re a great dad.  You’re a great husband.  I admire you.

Make sure the compliment is genuine and say it with a smile.  Giving Steve compliments is so easy for me, probably because he makes it easy for me to compliment him!

 

Physical Intimacy

Do we need to discuss this?  Well, in case you haven’t heard…men want and need physical intimacy and lots of it.  Their needs tend to be more physical and visual (bring out the lingerie ladies) and we tend to have more of an emotional connection and intimacy need preceding the physical aspect.

The bottom line is this:  A husband and wife should communicate their needs with each other.  After all, this part of the marriage is just as important as all the other aspects of a great marriage. 

 

Final Thoughts on Qualities of a Good Wife

Those are my personal top seven qualities of a good wife.  There are many other qualities to consider.  Some of these qualities may come naturally to us.  Some of these qualities will require some practice. 

What it boils down to are communication and commitment.  Ask him what you can do to better meet his needs.  Then make a personal commitment to follow through. 

There is nothing more important to me than treating Steve with my utmost love and respect.

Until next time,

Anne

Are you engaged, a newlywed, or married for many years?  Are you looking for some absolute marriage truths that can help make your relationship rock solid?    

Well, no matter where you are on your marital journey, you must continue learning how you can be a better spouse and what you can do to make your marriage awesome.  

That why I am here – to help you do that very thing. 🙂

I can tell you one thing about marriage – to be successful you AND your spouse must be committed to each other and to creating your best marriage.  It takes 100% effort from both spouses.  It takes work. 

I think many couples don’t fully understand this part about marriage.    

As part of that commitment to each other, there are a few absolute truths about marriage that you and your spouse must implement early and often if you indeed are going to create the amazing marriage God intended for you.

In this post, we are going to cover three of these marriage truths that you and your spouse must know and implement now.  

Hey, if you are interested in marriage advice or tips on building a happy and loving marriage, then please do us a huge favor and follow us on Pinterest.

Marriage Truth #1 – You Must Learn to Say “I’m Sorry”

I get it.  Sometimes saying “I’m sorry” is very difficult.  Saying “I’m sorry” may make you feel like you are giving up control in the relationship to your spouse or maybe even that you’re being disrespected by having to apologize for something.  For you, the thought of humbling yourself before your spouse and asking for their forgiveness is a bit hard to handle.  

To that I say – “Get over it!”  Regardless of how difficult it may be, your spouse and your marriage need you to be able to say these words.  

A person’s ability to acknowledge and confront mistakes says a lot about them and their level of maturity.  The apostle Paule wrote in his letter to the church in Corinth:

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. – 1 Corinthians 13:11

Being able to recognize and admit mistakes is really just part of being an adult.  In marriage, not only is it key that you understand and recognize when you have done something to disappoint or offend your spouse, but you must also take ownership of it.

Learning to apologize requires a sense of self-awareness.  That makes sense, right?  How can you apologize if you aren’t aware that you did anything wrong in the first place?  This one has bitten me on more than one occasion. 

When you realize that you are in the wrong – own it.  Look at your spouse and apologize.

The key steps for an apology include:

1. Realize that you have done something wrong – you must first be aware that you said or did something to hurt or disappoint your spouse.
2. Own it – After you realize what you have done, you need to own it.  Don’t make excuses for your behavior.
3. Express your apology – The sincere use of the words “I’m sorry” can be humbling, but can also be powerful and key building blocks in your relationship.  However, an insincere apology blurted out in a moment of frustration can be very damaging.   
4. Learn from it – Make sure your spouse knows that you understand where things got off track and how you can prevent it from happening again.  Your apology loses sincerity when you are repeatedly apologizing for the same thing again and again.   

So learning to use the simple phrase “I’m sorry” can be key to helping you and your spouse strengthing your marriage.  Use it and your marriage will be off to a good start.

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Marriage Truth #2 – You Must Learn to Say “Thank You” 

As a general rule, people don’t like to be taken for granted.  I suspect your spouse likely falls into this category.

Learning to say “Thank you” to your spouse will go a long way towards making sure they feel (and know) that you appreciate what they do in the relationship.

Whether it’s one spouse working 60 hours a week so the other can stay home with a child or it’s the other spouse putting their career on hold while they stay home with the children, both spouses are working hard to contribute to the relationship and the family.  They need and deserve recognition from the other spouse.

You don’t have to rent a billboard along the highway to acknowledge them or their efforts.  I simple, “Honey, I appreciate that you do ….”  will probably do the trick.  The key is to know your spouse and what is meaningful to them.

Studies have shown that not only expressing gratitude but feeling it as well can have a significant impact on the relationship.  The simple infusion of “Thank you” or “I appreciated that you did ….” can create a tone of recognizing, appreciating, and honoring each other within the relationship.

From Widian Nicola, “Gratitude has been shown to improve psychological health, physical health, reduce aggression, and increase mental strength. I would argue that the use of “thank you” (and meaning it) on a regular, consistent basis has the capacity to enhance intimacy significantly.”

On the other hand, using an attitude of “It is her job to do ….”, “He is supposed to do ….”, or “She knows that I appreciate her.” as an excuse to forget or neglect to acknowledge your partner can lead to feelings of being taken for granted or not appreciated.  Obviously, this isn’t a good mindset for your relationship.   

In his letter to the church a Thessalonica, Paul provided us with an example of a spirit of gratitude:

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

My wife does countless things for me and she knows that I deeply appreciate her, but she still likes to hear me acknowledge her.  I think It’s only human to desire this type of appreciation.  I tell her  “Thank you” frequently for both the big and the small things she does for me and for us.  Not just because I know it makes her feel good to hear, but because I am genuinely appreciative of her.  

Do you acknowledge your spouse and their efforts in the marriage?  Really the only way to know is to sit down with them and ask them if they feel appreciated.  This action on your part will go a long way towards creating an emotional connection and strengthening your marriage.

Marriage Truth #3 – You Must Learn to Say “I Love You” 

Anne knows that I love her.  Is it really necessary that I say it?

Of course, it is!!  Not only should I say “I love you” often, but I should say it through both my words and my actions.   

A great step you can take for your marriage is to get our free action guide to help you learn to say “I love you” to your spouse.

Although Anne knows that I love her, it is my responsibility to reinforce it and make her feel it.

The absence of reinforced love in your relationship opens the door for one spouse to question the feelings for the commitment of the other.

Similar to when Paul wrote to the Ephesians about allowing anger to sit in your relationships:

and do not give the devil a foothold. – Ephesians 4:27

you must not allow the devil to gain a foothold in your relationship.  Withholding expression of love and affection from your spouse create that foothold.  

Dewey Wilson wrote “Research conducted in recent years actually reveals that saying the three words, “I love you,” also represents a commitment to future behavior. Meaning, when we sincerely tell our spouse “I love you,” we are committing to them that our behavior, both in their presence and when apart, will demonstrate unquestionable attitudes of love and the resolve to protect our covenant of marriage.”

How to Say “I Love You”

So, how do you go about telling your spouse that you love them?  It probably seems simple enough, but you need to make sure you are telling them in a manner that speaks to their heart.

I think most people enjoy hearing the words “I love you”, but people also want to see or feel it as well.  This is where it is important for you to understand your partner and what is important to them.

Holding hands while walking in the park, sitting on the couch and just asking them about their day, or washing their car can all be gestures that really convey your love and commitment to your spouse.

You, as their spouse, must have the desire and put in the effort to get to know what is meaningful to your spouse and how you can express your love to them.

Final Thoughts on Marriage Truths

I know – implementing the marriage truths presented about may seem like a lot of effort.  You are already so busy with work, kids, etc. that you feel you don’t have time to think about these things.

I’d like to remind you that you are called to love your spouse and honor God with your marriage.  The focus of your time should be: 

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Family       

I’ll admit that I have often fallen short on this list of priorities.  I have gotten things turned upside down.  That’s how I can tell you in order to create your best marriage you need to focus first on what is truly important.

Honor God and show your spouse how deeply they loved, respected, and appreciated by learning to implement the absolute truths listed above.         

Until next time,

Anne and Steve

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How do you create an emotional connection with your spouse?  Can you have a happy marriage without a deep undeniable emotional connection?

While I do think it’s possible to be married for many, many years and not have an emotional connection, I don’t think it’s possible (or at least not very likely) to have a happy marriage that meets the needs of both spouses without that connection.

 

So, that brings us to the other question, “How do you create that emotional connection?”

You know, I think the better question may be, “Are you willing to do whatever it takes to create that emotional connection?  

I am going to assume that if you are reading this, then you are willing. 

In this post, we are going to answer that question and cover 5 ways to create an emotional connection with your spouse.   

What is an emotional connection?

According to Diane Grande, Ph.D. feeling connected means you feel in touch with someone that really cares about you and your well-being. 

According to everydayhealth.com, an emotional connection is a “bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.”

According to me, an emotional connection is being connected to someone such that you feel the need to share time and memories with them, that you trust them with your inner secrets, that you know they believe in you.

You probably have your own definition of what constitutes an emotional connection, but I think we can agree that having that feeling toward someone is an important aspect of marriage.       

Why is an emotional connection important for your marriage?

For your marriage to flourish, you and your spouse must feel secure in your relationship. 

You must feel that the other spouse will be there to provide you with the support, comfort, companionship, and love that you need from your relationship.

You can truly only feel like these key needs are going to be met if you and your spouse are connected on an emotional level.  

Sooo,   

How do you create an emotional connection?

We’ve talked about what an emotional connection is and why it is important for your marriage.

Next, we will discuss 5 ways you can create an emotional connection.

1.  Spend Time Together

In order to create an emotional connection, you and your spouse need to actually invest time in each other.

Honestly, how can you expect to make a connection with a person if you are not investing time with them?

Look for areas where you have a common interest.  What shared activities did you have when you were dating?

Whether it’s hiking, going to flea markets, working in the yard, etc., find some activity that you both enjoy where you can make some memories or reminisce about some old ones.       

2.  Continue to Pursue Your Spouse

When you and your spouse were dating, what did your relationship look like? 

Were you surprising each other with little gifts?

Were you sending them “I Love You” texts at all hours of the day and night?

Were you planning date nights, special dinners, or weekend trips?

Why did you do all of these things?  Well, you were probably trying to get to know him or her.  You were trying to create a connection.  

Now that you are married with the demanding responsibilities of careers and kids, you can’t stop doing the actions that brought you two together.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You see, marriage is not the finish line for your relationship. It is the starting point for the next phase of your relationship.” quote=”You see, marriage is not the finish line for your relationship. It is the starting point for the next phase of your relationship.” theme=”style4″]

If you want that emotional connection in your marriage, then you must continue to do those things that brought you together.

The girl who loved getting flowers delivered to her at work when you were dating is still the same girl.  She didn’t change when she became your wife.

The guy who loved being told how much you admired him when you were dating is still the same guy.  He didn’t change when he became your husband.

Just because you changed your relationship status from dating to married doesn’t mean you can change the intensity with which you pursue your spouse.  

3.  Make Your Relationship a Priority

What are your life priorities? 

I understand that depending on the circumstances, you get pulled in lots of different directions.  However, you have to remember to make your spouse and your marriage a priority.

If you continually make your career a priority over your spouse, you will begin to lose the connection that brought you two together.

Make it a priority to routinely set some time to spend with your spouse, put everything else on hold, and give them your undivided attention.  Make sure you are making them feel that they and your marriage are priorities to you.

4.  Become a Student of your Spouse

What makes your spouse smile?  What makes them feel loved?  What makes them feel secure (or insecure) in your relationship?

In order to create an emotional connection, you need to have a strong understanding of your partner.  You need to know what makes them tick. 

Although you are not expected to be a mind reader, you do need to do your part to learn your spouse.  Learn to communicate with them verbally and learn to understand their nonverbal signals. 

Learn to recognize when your spouse is trying to make a connection with you.  This may be a little tough if you’ve been feeling disconnected lately, but being able to recognize and respond to their efforts is key to creating an emotional connection. 

By understanding your spouse (their moods, their actions, etc.), you will be better equipped to meet their needs and give them that sense of connection in the relationship.  In turn, you will be getting your own needs met.

5.  Be Available

Your spouse needs you to be emotionally available.  They need your support, your understanding, your compassion.  If you want to create an emotional connection with your spouse, then you have to be there for them.  They have to know that you can be trusted with their feelings.

They have to know that what they share with you will not be met with criticism or judgment.  That feeling builds a sense of security and availability in your relationship.

      For More Info:  11 Best Don’ts to Avoid an Unhappy Marriage

Final Thoughts on Creating an Emotional Connection

In conclusion, emotional connections are key in order for you and your spouse to build the best marriage possible.

As mentioned above, I believe that you can be married for a very long time without an emotional connection.  That connection is not a requirement for marriage.

However, if you are looking to have the best marriage possible, then creating a strong emotional connection is a must.  By implementing the steps above, you will be well on your way.

Please leave us a comment and let us know what you think.

If you found this post helpful, please share on your favorite social media channel. 

Until next time,

Anne and Steve

 

I think you’ll agree with me when I say that building a strong, happy marriage can be very difficult and requires a lot of effort on the part of both spouses.   

The problem is that couples often fail to understand some of the basic dos and don’ts that can either build or break down their relationship.  Just like with anything in life, we need to focus our efforts on doing more of the actions that lead to success and eliminate those that don’t.           

…

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