Does your spouse have the Acts of Service Love Language?
You don’t know do you ….. 🙁
Do you know what the five love languages are or what it means to show your spouse acts of service? Do you need ideas on how to get started?
Well as you read on, we are going to help you answer all those questions and more. 🙂
Because it is vital for your marriage (or relationship if you aren’t married yet) that you understand what makes your partner feel loved. That is what the love languages are all about.
One of the best things Anne and I did for our marriage was to get a better understanding of how the other feels loved and secure in our marriage.
After you finish reading this post, you are going to have a much better understanding of the original questions above.
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What are the Five Love Languages
So if you aren’t already familiar with the five love languages, the concept of five primary languages of love was made popular by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book – The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Dr. Chapman’s book has sold somewhere between 15 – 20 million copies.
Anne and I have purchased several copies ourselves over the years either for us or to give as wedding gifts. We read it when we were first married and still refer back to our love language quiz (I’ll talk about that a little more later on) from time to time. It really was key to helping us understand the importance of effective communication with each other (verbally and nonverbally) on a daily basis and expressing our love in a way that was meaningful to the other.
In order to write his book, Dr. Chapman relied on his years of helping couples learn to communicate with each other effectively. Through his work, he identified five primary ways that couples express and feel love in a relationship. These called these the 5 Love Languages.
The 5 Love Languages as discussed by Dr. Chapman include:
- Words of Affirmation – spoken or written words of love
- Quality Time – quality time focused on your spouse
- Receiving Gifts – thoughtful and meaningful gifts
- Acts of Service – looking to serve your spouse
- Physical Touch – a touch that conveys love for your spouse
The 5 Love Languages teaches the reader how to respect and appreciate how their spouse feels most loved and valued in the relationship. By reading and applying (applying being the key phrase here) the lessons taught, each spouse can begin to take actionable steps towards communicating love more effectively to their spouse.
Additionally, the 5 Love Languages is also written to help couples find their own love language. By having a better understanding of their respective love languages, couples can better communicate their own needs to their spouse.
Relationships really take off when couples learn to effectively express their love towards each other in ways that are meaning full to the other.
A husband who is repeatedly trying to express his love to his wife through acts of service becomes very frustrated when his efforts don’t resonate with her and she doesn’t respond in the manner what he had hoped she would.
Her lack of response may be because her primary love language is quality time. The husband is doing what he “thinks” is meaningful (acts of service), but what she really wants is some quality time with him. Although she appreciates his acts of service, she becomes frustrated with him because her need for love and security in the relationship is not being met.
The 5 Love Languages helps couples bridge this gap between how I “think” you should feel loved and how you “actually” feel loved.
For more reading on the 5 Love Languages and how to implement in your marriage, check out our popular post Build a Happy Marriage: Learn How Now.
How do I Find Our Love Languages?
A very fine question indeed!
Certainly, it’s key that you and your spouse know your own love language (so you can effectively communicate your needs to your spouse) as well as knowing that of your spouse.
You can find a copy of the love languages quiz in the back of Dr. Chapman’s book or you can take the quiz online here.
After you and your spouse take the quiz, spend some time with each other discussing the results.
Were you surprised with your results or the results for your spouses? How can you each take proactive steps to make sure that each other’s needs for love and security in the relationship are met?
What are Some Acts of Service Love Language Ideas?
What are some acts of service ideas for your wife or for your husband? If you are stuck and looking for some tips to you get you started, just keep reading below. Remember this is a case where your actions speak louder than your words.
- Wash their car
- Fix their lunch
- Do some of the chores that they would normally do
- Take the kids out for breakfast so the other can sleep in
- Make their morning coffee
- Put gas in their car
- Put their phone on the charger
- Run them a bubble bath after a tough day
- Surprise with them their favorite dinner
- Vacuum the house
- Plan a date night
- Help them with their “to-do” list
- Walk or wash the dog
- Warm their favorite blanket in the dryer
- Fold the laundry
- Cut the grass
- Check the mail
- Take out the trash
- Dust around the house
- Take their car for an oil change
- Feed the cat
In reality, I could give you a list of 1,000,000 different acts that you could do for your husband or your wife, but for acts of service to be most effective, you are going to have to understand them and what they view as important.
Do they have routine chores that they just hate doing? Then help them with that.
Are they working on an important deadline at work and just don’t have time to get to some of their routine duties around the house done? Help them out with their to-do list.
Just be aware of what is going on in their lives and help them with those items.
Those types of servent-minded actions are going to be what is most meaningful to them.
How Do I Put Acts of Service Into Motion?
The most important steps in putting the acts of service love language into motion are:
1.) Being aware of your spouse’s needs;
That just makes sense, right? Unless you paying attention to your spouse and asking the right questions, how you going to know how you can be of service to them? How are you going to know what act of service is going to really speak to their heart?
2.) Being willing to serve the other.
This may be the harder of the two parts for many, but it is an important part of fulfilling the covenant of marriage. Some may have a difficult time taking on the role of serving the other.
However, Christ provided us with an example of servanthood in John 13 when he washed the feet of his disciples. Additionally, he said in Mark 10:45
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
You see, when you serve your spouse you not only honor them, but you honor God’s call for us as well.
Final Thoughts on the Acts of Service Love Language mean?
We are called to serve each other. We are called to serve as Christ served.
Whether your spouse has the acts of service love language or not, you should be looking for ways where you can make their lives a little easier each day. Fight the temptation to be self-centered as this will undermine your efforts to serve your spouse.
The great thing about this love language (and particularly for the budget minded person) is that this love language typically doesn’t cost anything.
Fixing your spouse’s morning coffee or cooking them dinner doesn’t cost anything other than some time and thoughtfulness.
Just learn to be aware of what you can do for them and what acts would be meaningful. If you aren’t sure – sit them down and ask. It’ll show that you are really working to communicate and make them feel loved.
Let us know what you think.
If this post was helpful, please share it with others through your favorite social media channel and comment below. We’d love to hear from you and know your thoughts.
Until next time, God bless
Steve and Anne
Hi! I’m Steve Clark of LifeLoveandBlog.com. I’m a forgiven sinner trying to be the best husband and dad that I can be. I write about advice on building happy and successful marriages.